My Well Rehearsed Mistake
by speckleification
Summary: A short Arthur/OFC ficlet. Re-published due to many errors, I hope you enjoy
1. Chapter 1

Here's my bright idea, I'll just disappear. I'll just fly away from here.

Which is exactly what I did. Lets start at the beginning. It's always the best place to start I find.

I met Arthur and Dom at college. I was rooming across the hall from them and we had some pretty wild parties. Frequently attended by the boys. Arthur was always the smug one with that sly grin, Dom the cute one. However Dom was dating my cousin Mal, so my raging hormones pointed me in the direction of the sly fox, his manners and well groomed appearance made him a major hit with the ladies whilst his quick thinking mind and ability to retain and gain information took him into the highest ranks in the classroom and as I was soon to find out the bedroom too.

It was no strings attached. Just something to keep the hormones at bay. Nobody's feelings got hurt and no ones toes trodden on, it was win win. The situation remained that way until we left college and went our separate ways. For a while I dithered, unsure of what to do with myself. Until one day on a train ride too London I stumbled into the world of extraction, almost literally.

It was late evening and the nights had started getting colder, I pulled my coat a little tighter, hoping to ward off the cold night air. The train was practically empty, myself and only one other residing in this particular carriage. I glanced up and down the carriage, checking to make sure the guard wasn't coming too check tickets, you see, I didn't exactly have one. Gradually I began to doze, dreaming of better days and of my childhood. A sharp bang awoke me from my slumber, that sound signified someone entering the carriage, a quick glance told me I needed to get out of their and fast! I grabbed my bag and walked swiftly in the opposite direction of the guard, hoping to escape unseen. A shout from behind me told me I was unsuccessful and I began to sprint through the next few carriages, looking for somewhere to hide out till London. The guard was closing in behind me, calling me to stop if I could just get through this last carriage I could jump off the end of the train. The door was locked. But there are people inside I thought frantically as I shoved against the door, trying desperately to open it, the guard had just reached the carriage I was in as I slammed my body into the final door, the force of it causing the door to fly open and me to be propelled forward with a great force, landing on the ground hard, knocking the breath from my body in the process. I was so stunned that for a moment I didn't move until I saw the gun pointed in my face. My brain refused to function, all I could do was gawp at the gun and breath heavily, wheezing painfully as I did so. The guard was stood stock still, hands in the air in surrender. I squeaked as a gunshot rang out and someone fell to the floor behind me. I was never one for religion but I prayed to god then for my life to be spared. "Up." a masculine voice commanded. So opening my eyes for the first time since the gun went off I hastily stood up and then stared at the floor. Wishing it would swallow me up whole. A laugh broke out, soon joined by another and so I gingerly looked up. There were three gentleman sat in business suits, all ordinary looking apart from the fact that at least two of them carried a gun. On the table in front if them was a silver briefcase with a combination lock on the front. I recognised the design from college, it was what they used to hook themselves up into dreams. A transporter to your own personal reality as Dom and Arthur had always said.

"Now young lady you give us quite a predicament, we could shoot you and throw your body out with the guards or seeing as you are familiar with our equipment you can help us out and then when we don't need you we will kill you"

"Is there an option where I don't die? I mean I know every dies sometime and this isn't a dream so I won't wake up if I die, I wont even go into limbo-"

"-Just how exactly do you know about limbo?"

I then went on too explain about college and the boys although never by name, not knowing who these people were exactly. After my explanation the gentleman talked amongst themselves quietly then told me to sit down, keep my mouth shut or else, and besides I might learn something along the way.

The gentlemen were a crude team of extractors, getting paid millions to steal information from people's minds, often unsuccessfully. And if things didn't go well, we skipped town and laid low for a while. We all carried our fair share of scars from when jobs went wrong and angry millionaires sent hit men after us. My main job in the extraction was point man, basically the master planner the one with all the info and also to help with the main extraction along with one of the gentlemen. The other two were the architect and the forger. Together we made a heck of a lot of money to which they always squandered on booze and cheap women.

We were together for four years until one night when a job went horribly wrong, we attempted three levels deep, the boss wanted an idea planted not extracted. It was called Inception. Right from the word go I was opposed to the idea but they needed the money and wouldn't be able to pull it off. W had our mark our perfect setting but when we returned to the real world our mark didn't. Something had gone wrong. He was still alive just not responding to anything. It was time to split so we grabbed our equipment and ran. Two of the gentlemen were killed on the escape from our location, the other lasted a week before they took him out. I knew my days were numbered but I had to get out of there or die trying. By some miracle I made it out of England alive. A gunshot wound to the shoulder, four broken ribs and multiple gashes later. Whilst I dreamt one night of happier times, I saw Dom and Mal and Arthur. Last I heard Dom and Mal were married and expecting a child. When I awoke the memory of the us all together was still so fresh that I set myself off in their direction.

It took near on two weeks to barter my way there but I managed it somehow, by then many of the gashes had healed and the gunshot wound was scabbed over though by the temperature I was running I guessed it was infected. The ribs were still troublesome but the worst was over. I don't know what I was expecting when I turned up at their house but I certainly wasn't expecting to have the door slammed in my face. I banged on the door repeatedly until an elderly man answered the door, he seemed kind enough and so I explained about being Mals cousin and spending my college years with Dom. He questioned as to why he hadn't seen me before, snappily I asked him the same question, commenting that I must have the right house because otherwise I would have been turned away by now and ranted at the lack of hospitality when the men stopped me in my tracks with two words I would never forget. They were spoken softly, with real compassion. Something that I heard not heard in a long while. Those two words echo now in my skull as I sit here and write this.

"She's dead"

Unforgettable. No matter how hard I try. Resonating like slinky on a never-ending staircase. Forever moving. And if it stops? What happens then?

With those words burned into my mind my body and strength gave out and passed out on the front porch of my dead cousins house.

I awoke three days later to the smell of hot chicken soup. Something that reminded me of home. Home. Not my home. Not my bed. Panicked I shot up, my breath coming in gasps as my ribs set a flame. Gasping for air, my eyes close to tears from pain and clutching my side I rolled out of the bed and onto the floor where I lay trying to calm myself, trying to make sense of it all. Footsteps pounded in my ear as I lay on the carpet waiting for the pain to subside. A pair of slippered feet came into view followed by another and two pairs of hands lifted me up and back onto the bed. The couple helped straighten me out on where I was and what was going on, offering me the use of the room until I was well enough, as apparently I was family. They were Doms parents; they were looking after the kids until further notice.

Over the following days I recovered sufficiently to be able to move around and so set about planning a route to find Dom. It wasn't right, the story they had told, Dom would never have killed Mal, he wouldn't hurt a fly. I had to know the truth. I wasn't always that close with Mal but during college we really came together and I began to think of her as more of a sister.

With the help of Doms mother I managed to find a rough location for him, he had contacted his father just that morning, looking for someone to help with a job. So with my bags packed and after swearing to the kids that I'd come back again soon, I set off to find them.

As soon as I reached my destination I set off in search of Doms father. He wasn't too hard a man to find but he didn't necessarily want to give me too much information. It took a lot of persuading but after a good hour he finally gave me a rendezvous point and the chase began again.

It led me to an old warehouse, dank and neglected. Perfect place for a meeting. Voices were coming from the floor above me so cautiously I made my way, up careful not to make any noise, just in case I had stumbled upon a gang meeting or something of a similar irk. It was them all right, Dom sat in a chair to the right, talking with the other occupants of the room, he looked old and tired, nothing like the boy I remembered. I moved myself to the left slightly and caught a glimpse of another familiar face. My heart caught in my mouth, my blood froze and the whole world shook beneath my feet. Arthur. He looked more handsome then I had ever dreamed, his hair slicked back, suit and tie. Fresh faced and clean, ever the gentleman. Just seeing him there like that made me feel weak at the knees, my stomach turn and my mouth to ash. I wanted to go in, reach out to them both but I couldn't reality held me back and so I turned and walked out the door. I hated myself so much for my cowardice that I was sick. My ribs pained more then ever now. There was only one thing for it. Alcohol. I found the nearest bar, sat myself in a corner and readied myself to drink the night away. A few men tried their chances but they werent getting anywhere and quickly lost interest after a while. One gentleman however, who had a truly gorgeous accent would not take no for an answer, he was after all very charming and quite handsome too, although the amount of alcohol in my system at the time I would have thought anyone handsome. But he seemed decent enough and in the end we headed back to his hotel room. In the state I was I found his manners laughable and clearly expressed that opinion. Soon enough, despite the pain, which was now becoming quite apparent I was giggling like a schoolgirl.

Angry neighbours banged on the wall a few times but it only made us laugh harder. Finally things began to get heated and just as we were both down to our underwear an annoyed young man stormed in through the door that young man was Arthur.

Hurriedly we separated and I went fumbling for my clothes trying to cover myself up, keep my face hidden, praying he wouldn't recognise me. Arthur and the man I came back with, whose name was apparently Eames, which is strange because I'm sure he said he was called Steven or something... Anyway I dressed as quickly as I could with my back to the guys, they were arguing properly now "this is our hotel room, you cant expect to bring some whore -no offence- back without at least warning me!" shouted Arthur to which Eames tried to reply but he just carried on "I bet you don't even know her name! Or even anything about her." his rant was coming to an end now, the edge of his tone had began to soften and no doubt the small crease in the middle of his forehead would begin to show as his resolve softened, then he would take a deep breath, roll his shoulders and be back to himself again. Now was the time to exit, in that moment just before he regained sight of himself. So stealing my nerve I slipped past Eames, eyes averted to the floor and holding my breath walked past my former lover and towards the door. As I stretched out my hand and made to grab the handle his voice called out to me "where did you get that tattoo?" oh pants I thought. I had a tattoo of the word Lucky with a large star attached to the tail of the Y. It was a nickname given to me during college and one night after a heavy party they all somehow persuaded me to get it done. My voice was caught in my throat, frozen in that position, trying to reach for the door handle; I had no plausible excuse for it. A few tears threatened to fall as he repeated his question, a little firmer this time. I still couldn't bring myself to answer and shook my head as a few tears fell. "Eliana?" he said no anger in his voice; it was spoken quietly with a small hint of hope. More tears fell and I dropped my hand from the door. Taking a deep breath I turned to face them, eyes on the floor, tears and no doubt make up running down my face. Arthur stepped forward, searching me with his eyes. I couldn't think of anything to say my mind was blank so I said the first thing that came into my head "hi" I whispered, feeling so ashamed that he was seeing me like this, this mess. "Why are you crying you silly thing?" he questioned pulling me into a hug, that moment was like a light bulb being switched on in the dark of night, everything became clear, everything I had gone through in the 6 years we had been apart had lead up to this one perfect moment. Only it wasn't perfect, I was getting mascara on his jacket, my ribs were screaming at me and he was such a good guy, I didn't deserve to be like this, in his arms this way. So I pushed him away. Claiming I was making his suit dirty, smiled at him through my tears and headed for the door again, he questioned my actions and I told him, it was late, I was drunk and had to get back before I got locked out of my hotel room. He insisted on walking me there, he always was stubborn when he wanted something.


	2. Chapter 2

It was just an ordinary Thursday night and I had planned to go out with the girls but one nod from Arthur and I wasn't going anywhere. This would be the third time this week we had been alone together, not that I was complaining. Arthur was a very attentive partner and knew exactly how to get what he wanted. What can I say, the man was talented.

As we lay entangled on the bed, his fingers played with the ends of my auburn hair. His face grew into a wide smirk and I knew by that look he had something on his mind.  
"What?" I questioned, knowing that expression all too well. He replied, feigning his innocence but his smirk only grew. "tell me what it is or I cannot be held accountable for my actions" I said with an all too serious look on my face  
"oh really? Well maybe I want to keep quiet and find out what those actions might be"  
"this!" I cried as I launched a full-scale attack on his one weakness.

Arthur was extremely ticklish.

After a few minutes of wrestling he finally submitted and I took full advantage, pinning him to the bed. "spill or else" I said trying my hardest to look tough, despite the tears of laughter forming around my eyes.  
"it's this- he said gesturing to the two of us- it's nice, you know. It's not too complicated or just sex, it's nice"  
"huh, nice." I said a little put out. Personally I rated things a lot higher then 'nice' but apparently I was the only one.  
"Els don't be like that, I didn't mean it that way-"  
But the damage had already been done. I moved off the bed and went in search of my clothes. I mean it's not like I expected him to turn around and say he loved me. Or to want to be in a relationship but I was at least worth more then nice.

Deep breathe.

Ok now I'm just being stupid, I must be hormonal, I mean to even think I might be in love with the guy. Oh crap. I am aren't I? Oh bugger. Not good.

As I stood staring out the window, he came across the small kitchen and wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his head in the crook of my neck "Els look don't be mad at me, I didn't mean for it to come out like that-"  
"no I'm sorry, I must be hormonal or something, don't mind me."  
"so we're good?"  
"yeah of course we're good Arth, when are we not good" I said with a laugh turning my head slightly. God how can this man not know what he does to me, every breath is giving me goose bumps and sending shivers down my spine.  
"good because I can't be doing with my favourite girl being mad at me now can I? Are you still coming over later? Mols coming and she's bringing some of that baileys stuff you like. Besides it wouldn't be a proper night without you"  
"well when you put it like that, how can I refuse" I said turning to face him.  
"good, so I'll see you at eleven?" I nodded in reply and with that he was gone. It had taken just four months to fall in love with everything about this guy.

In the later times we spent alone together, I tried to prolong the cuddles, making him stay the night just so I could have him hold me. Hoping that I might catch the tiniest glimpse that he might feel the same way I did, but that day never came.

I guess I was just convenient to him and nothing more.

We walked along the darkened streets hand in hand swinging them as we went. It was so odd to be doing this with a man I had been madly in love with.  
"Do you remember when we locked a very naked Dom in Miles's office? He never really did live that down"  
"Well he shouldn't have thrown the entire contents of my underwear draw out the window!"  
"Well you did steal his clothes when he was in the show-"  
"-and how many times do I have to tell you it was Mol not me!"  
"Pfft" he retorted throwing his head back in a comical fashion. I punched him playfully in the arm, this man really was something else. We continued to reminisce as we walked along, play fighting and dancing. Eventually when I got tired and whinged enough, Arthur gave in and gave me a piggyback ride.  
I was in quite a state now, tired beyond compare and the pain in my chest making every stride uncomfortable. Before I could stop myself I mumbled in his ear "mmm... I've missed this smell, so so much" If Arthur replied I didn't hear it, I fell asleep then and there.  
I vaguely remember someone setting me down and a pair of soft, gentle hands helping me undress but for the next few hours I was gone to the land of dreams of better days.

When I awoke the next morning the pain in my head was unbelievable. Movement didnt seem an option so I lay there waiting for the fog in my brain to lift. I had forgotten all about Arthur until I heard him "god Els, who's done all this to you?"

he was referring to the multitude of scars littered across my body. I wasn't proud of my 'war wounds'. They served as a constant reminder of what happens when things go wrong.  
A hand ghosted over my skin so lightly that it made every inch tingle, he traced ever so gently over the scars, his touch, his presence, his smell was all so familiar, so comforting, so safe. Before I could stop myself I let out a sigh. His hand froze. Should I feign sleep and hope he continues or turn over and face him?


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur was still, his soft breathing the only real reminder that he was still here. Still watching. My subconscious was wrestling with itself and my inner turmoil was at the highest it had been in a long time.  
My stomach grumbled loudly. I could just imagine the look on Arthur's face. My stomach was never one for suffering in silence.

I'll never forget the day we graduated, I had been so nervous that I hadn't eaten all day. As we sat waiting listening to the valedictorian, my stomach let out such a loud grumble that at least fifteen people turned and stared while Arthur and Dom sat cracking up. Mol was trying her best not to laugh as well while I tried to coax my chair into swallowing me whole. All the way through the presentation Dom and Arthur were giggling like school children; I had never been so embarrassed in my life.

As usual my body has the last word over my head and heart. After all don't they say it's good to listen to your gut, sometimes. Taking a deep breath I rolled myself over and faced him.  
"Hi" I whispered, staring up at him with bleary eyes. Almost not believing what I was seeing.  
"Hi" he said so softly I almost couldn't make it out. He was staring at me, his eyes roving across me as I lay there in just my underwear. I felt so ashamed, so under scrutiny. I grabbed my robe from the side of the bed and rose, putting it on as I did so. I hissed quietly as my ribs smarted again.  
"You know, you really should get someone to look at those, it looks pretty nasty." he said in his usual Arthur-knows-best tone.  
"Way ahead of you there, and its nothing a bit of time wont heal"  
"Yeah but if they're broken-"  
"Like I said, way ahead of you there."  
So this is what it felt like all those times he had gotten himself into a scrap and done some damage and I would nag on and on at him to get it seen too.  
I walked swiftly into the small kitchen area and grabbed a glass from the shelf, I motioned to Arthur to see if he wanted anything but he shook his head. As I drank, he was still sitting on the bed watching every move. It was unnerving.  
"Do you have to stare like that? It's making me nervous" I said softly, for some reason I felt ashamed, guilty almost that I had let myself get into such a mess.  
"You never used to mind-" he said, surprise evident in his voice.  
"-Well things have changed a bit since then." I said in a whisper, regret punctuating every word. God I want to cry. I ran a shaking hand through my hair, trying to calm my nerves. I've only had this man back in my life for half a day and already I'm questioning my resolve. I can't carry on like this skirting around him; it's driving me nuts. If Mol were here she would know what to do.  
Oh god Mol. Mol. The words 'She's Dead' once again resonated in my head, bouncing around. Unable to stop myself the tears fell thick and fast pouring uncontrollably down my face. My hands shook so badly that I dropped my glass and it shattered as it hit the floor.  
As I bent down to get the pieces from the floor he reached out for me, I shook my head at him, not trusting my voice. Tears still cascading down my face. He took my hands in his, his thumbs rubbing soft comforting circles over my knuckles. I tried to pull back from him but he held fast, still rubbing.  
"Look at me Els, let me in there, Let me help you" but I shook my head at him. "Els, please..." I shook my head again, his hand reached up to touch my cheek and I recoiled from him, snatching my hands back from him.  
I was being selfish, wallowing in my own despair and shutting him out. It was my right to wallow though. My cousin had been dead all this time and no one, not one person, had tried to contact me.

Nothing.

Nothing but Anger.

Bitterness.

These two emotions began to consume me as I sat curled on the floor beside the broken glass. He didn't care enough to seek me out, to tell me. Not one note. Not one stupid phone call. Not one email.  
"She's dead." I began in a whisper but as my rage fuelled me my voice got louder, stronger, full of raw emotion. Everything that had built up inside me for the last few years, all the anger, the pain, the sorrow came pouring out in this one moment. "Gone. Gone from this world. MY cousin. Mine. And not one person tries to contact me! What did you think I didn't want to know? Do you think I didn't care? I mean what? Come on Point man, you're the one who's supposed to have all the answers! Tell me why, my best friends from college never once tried to contact me. What, was I not convenient enough for you anymore? Found some one else's heart strings to play with? Dear god, please tell me Arthur because I sure as hell don't know"  
"Els-"  
"Don't 'Els' me. How hard is it to write an email or pick up the phone once in a while? Huh? Or too busy screwing some new chick, it's not surprising. You never could keep it in your pants for very long. Or maybe, just maybe you can't get any anymore because you're too old. No that's not it, you can afford hookers, no maybe it's something else, maybe it's that poker up your backside that mummy and daddy-"  
"My parents have nothing to do with this."  
"ooo. Touched a nerve there did I?"  
"You want to know why no one ever got in contact?" He was shouting now, and I was starting to realise how harsh all the things I had just said were.  
"You want to know why no one contacted you? You're preaching at me about no one telling you anything, how about you? You didn't even tell any one you were going, you just left. Just like that. Gone. Out of our lives but then again like you say, clearly 'we' weren't convenient any more. What did we get in the way of your path to fame and fortune?

Please, the only thing you could ever achieve was a half decent screw and even then that's pushing it. So why don't you just crawl back onto your high horse and go find some other doormat to take you in, you never know you might even get some people willing to pay you for it, although to be honest, you aren't worth fifty cent. At least they wont have to waste eighteen months of their lives trying to find their friend and get her to come back home" and with that he turned on his heel and was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Shell-shocked I sat there. The echo from the door resonating in my head. I sat staring into space, I couldn't process it, it just wouldn't compute. Slowly my emotions came back to me, all the bitterness that I had only moments ago unleashed but it felt like an eternity.

I sat wallowing in my despair for the better part of the morning, only moving when the suns rays became too bright to bear. I was being selfish and I knew it deep down. But like the spoilt child that I was, I wasn't going to let it go quite so easily.

I was sulking, mooning about around the room like a child who's had her favourite toy taken away. I even contemplated suicide but I didn't have the guts for things like that. I was too much of a coward. When things get tough or I can't cope, I simply run. I never could stand and face things.

It wasn't true. It wasn't. He was wrong, they were all wrong. I was the victim here, not them! I was the one shut out of it all. ME.

I was trying desperately hard to convince myself of these facts, almost too hard.

I would have to go and apologise sooner or later, some of things I said were well below par. 'Par' God, that's a typical Arthur word. Stupid Arthur. Why can't I stay mad at you? Why?

Is it because you're right? You are a coward

Shut up. Shut up. It is, isn't it? No. No way. I'm the- You know it, you just wont admit it, because then you'll have to face up to the truth and you never could do that could you. You never could. You coward. No. I am not a coward. I stood up for people and had to watch The Gentlemen die because of it. That wasn't bravery for their sake, it's because you were afraid of what they'd do to you. Not like when you were growing up. Not like when you watched me dieing and didn't do a thing about it, you knew what he was doing and you never said a word. You just ran away like you always do.

**You Coward.**

No, mum. I promise you mum, I promise you. I never knew. I never knew.

It was true, I hadn't known that my father had been beating my mother, she always had these excuses and I would always believe them, I couldn't see any reason for her to lie to me, we had never had secrets we were thick as thieves. Until I came home to our house swarming with police and my father was dragged away for murder. I testified by video link and never stayed for the verdict. I just left, headed for another place and enrolled at a university. I ran away. Something I've been doing ever since.

It was a bitter pill to swallow. Self-realisation. Also having had the voice of my mother inside my head was the biggest heartache of all. Arthur's face flashed before my eyes, I had hurt him. I had done that. I needed to set it right, but first I needed to find Dom. I needed to hear his side of the story, maybe then I can clear my head enough to talk to Arthur and tell him the truth. Make him understand why. I wasn't looking for forgiveness now, just understanding. If I could achieve that, it would be enough, wouldn't it?

The next morning dawned bleak and gloomy, the weather seemed to match my mood and a heavy sense of foreboding settled in the pit of my stomach. I dressed in a grey turtleneck sweater and a pencil skirt, it covered most of the scars and would hopefully give off a more settled appearance then I had last night.

Dom was never an easy man to find, I suppose owing to the fact that he was on the run from the police had made him even more cautious but as I had found him once I would not stop until I found him again. The pursuit took me five days, the old warehouse they had used before had been abandoned and replaced with another in a far more remote location. When I arrived there were five bodies inside the place, Arthur included. So I bided my time and caught Dom as he was leaving.

He was surprised, guarded even when I approached him. He was always very easy to read, his body language and those soft eyes always gave him away. He was angry, disappointed in me. That I had just disappeared with no trace from their lives and I accepted everything he had to throw at me. After all, there was really no one else to blame. The bitterness and anger threatened to come creeping back in again and I had to fight hard to swallow my pride. I can tell you now, it wasn't easy. So many times I wanted to but in, shout the odds, set him straight on how I saw it but this wasn't about me, it was about the truth, about Mol.

It was the haunting look on his face, the way it visibly drained of all life as he told his sorry tale. He was lost, floundering in water too deep. How long had he been like this? Surely Arthur would have done something to try and help, or maybe that was it. Maybe he didn't want to be helped; maybe it was something he had to help himself out of? Knowing all that and being unable to go home to his children. Not being able to see them. The thought alone was tearing me up inside, who knows what it was doing inside of him.

As he finished telling his story I enveloped him in a hug, unable to express in words what I felt towards him. I was upset that I hadn't been there; I should have been there. If things had been different then… oh what's the use in wondering what ifs. A few tears slipped from my eyes as I thought of all the months Dom had endured with Mols questionable insanity before she had finally taken her life, convinced that she would wake up in what she believed was reality.

Dom wiped the few tears from my face with his thumbs, smiling at me sadly. "What happened to us all Els? Where'd it all go wrong?"

"I, I don't know" I replied shakily, a few more tears escaping, I couldn't bear to look in those eyes any longer. I took a step back, taking a deep breath as I did so.

"Still look at you, the last time I saw you, you were a bundle of energy, the life and soul of the party, couldn't keep you still for a minute, unless of course Arthur was there" We both smiled lightly at the memory "Now look, nice clothes, proper hair colour, you almost look like a grown up" Again we shared a small smile.

"About Arthur, if I wanted to get in contact with him, do you think he'd agree to see me again?" I didn't want to risk mentioning the other night, just in case he hadn't said anything.

"Els, Gee, I'm not sure, he spent a long time looking for you, he was broken when you went, even more then Mol, the rest of us you know, we got that you'd never stick around too long, you just weren't that kind of person, but still the way you left, it wasn't right, he wasn't right for along time. I don't know what it'd do to him, just turning up out of the blue like this"

"Well could you at least let him know that I'm around, give him my number and let him do what he wants with it, what's the harm in that?"

"I dunno Els-"

"Can you at least try?"

"I'll… I'll try but I can't promise anything"

"Thank you Dom, you don't know how much it means to me"

He just smiled sadly; we embraced again and said our goodbyes, heading our separate ways. For now.


	5. Chapter 5

I was quite literally tearing my hair out; I was stupid, so stupid. Stupid girl, of course he's not going to call. I mean if the situation were reversed I sure as hell wouldn't call. I must look like a crazy person, pacing back and forth in front of a line of shops, tugging at my hair and cursing to myself.

Mol had gone crazy, maybe I was going crazy too, maybe we had a faulty gene or something or too many dream shares had warped our brains. Maybe this is all a dream?

God girl, get a grip will you. I have never had trouble distinguishing what's real and what's not before and I'm not about to start now.

I had been so caught up in myself that I hadn't noticed it had started to rain. Cursing myself for forgetting to bring a coat out with me I powered off in the direction of my place. It never just rains here, it pours. And so it did. Half way there I gave up the battle with the weather and took shelter in a small café. I stopped briefly at the counter to order a pot of tea and then took a seat near the open fireplace situated at the back. Fire has always fascinated me; I could watch it for hours. It's deadly but so beautiful in the way it manoeuvres flickering, colours transformed without the slightest warning. I was so absorbed watching the fire that I didn't hear the bell above the door go nor the two new customers order or take their seats. A gentle hand on the shoulder woke me from my world, my order had arrived, I thanked the server and held the brazing cup in my hands, and almost glad at the burning sensation it was giving me. I swilled the liquid and took a quick sip, burning my tongue in the process. Sticking it out and laughing to myself at how childish I must look. A chuckle from across the room made my head snap round in that direction and the shock at who sat their made me jump, spilling tea in my lap. I jumped up cursing loudly, jumping around trying to stop the burning sensation. The other of the pair was now looking and laughing at my antics.

"Ha ha very funny" I said sarcastically rolling my eyes at the two.

The first one motioned me to come over and join them so I grabbed my mug and headed over to them, careful not to spill any more over myself.

"So I hear you two have met," He said with a knowing look

"Heh, yeah you could say that" I said blushing; of course he would have told his friends about his attempted conquest.

We chatted easily, it was like stepping back in time really but it made my heartache at the current situation even worse.

"So Ella-"

"-Eliana"

"Right, Eliana sorry. Did you and the old boy Arthur ever finish your business, you know" he winked at me knowingly. Leaning back in the booth he looked back at me smugly.

"I- We- It's-" but how did I end that sentence? Complicated didn't quite seem to cut it. "I'm a bitch, I- messed things up with my stupid mouth and my stupid temper, and I really wish I hadn't opened my big mouth but I did and now he hates me" I slumped forward, resting my forehead against the table to hide my face.

"Oh. Well that explains the grouchiness I guess."

"What him not getting any?" Eames found this really amusing and snorted his tea all over the table.

"I'm glad you all find this a laughing matter" I muttered wiping spit and tea from my face, they apologised, still tittering away, trying to avoid each others eye.

"Look, If you're really sure you want to patch things up I can help fix something up, maybe jump into his dream share, that way he wont have a choice"

Dom really was a lifesaver. I threw my arms around that wonderful man; he really didn't know how much it meant to me.

"Els if you mess it up this time, you're on your own, alright? I don't want to intervene now but it'd be good to see the old stick happier and it'd be good to have you around again, I've missed it, we all have-"

"I'll drink to that" Eames interjected, swigging down the rest of his Luke warm tea. "Now, let's go get a proper drink shall we?" He grinned and winked in my direction before grabbing his coat and heading in the direction of the door

"Well?" Dom asked, I just shrugged and he grinned, apparently we were going drinking.

The club was packed, people dancing, grinding on the dance floor, the bar was packed but Eames charmed his way to the front, getting shots all around. Dom took his spot in the only quiet corner and Eames set about finding someone to seduce. I felt extremely small, like a child amongst all these people. I couldn't wrap my head around everything, all these emotions were bombarding me and blocking out all else, a few men tried their luck but when they didn't get a response they were quickly off in search of someone else to boost their egos.

I downed my shot but barely felt it pass down my throat. I stood next to Dom, staring into space. He was watching me, though at the time I was completely unaware, It wasn't until he tugged hard on my sleeve that I realised he was trying to catch my attention. He brought me close and for a second my warped mind thought he was going to kiss me but he simply whispered an address in my ear, pecked me on the cheek and motioned for me to go.

This is it, my chance to get back the man that I think I'm in love. No I am in love with. Let's just hope I don't stuff it up again…


	6. Chapter 6

So this is the last installment, it hasn't quite worked out as I had planned but I hope you enjoy it none the less, many thanks to everyone who has helped me out with this, happy holidays! xXx

To go or not? Should I waste this opportunity to bring back the man that I love or should I embrace the real facts. What if he doesn't want me back? What do I do then?  
You only get one shot at this thing called life; you don't get a dress rehearsal. One shot. Make it count.  
My professor had once said that to me when I had considered pulling out. I guess he was true, you've just gotta take a deep breath and leap, nothing else too it.  
Well actually there is a lot more too it then that, am I over complicating things, too much thinking  
what are the facts  
I love him  
he hates me... I think?  
Maybe I should find a daisy and pluck the petals, it worked in preschool why not now?  
He loves me  
He loves me not  
He loves me  
He loves me not  
oh this is stupid! I'm just gonna march in their and tell him.  
So I hailed a cab and gave him the address. I flew in on wings given by my pattering heart; full of the joy that only one person ever gave me. Light in my heart full of strength and confidence in my goal and myself.  
I stopped just outside the doors; I could see his silhouette, back straight, standing tall. I imagined the look on his face; I could see clearly every crease, every line. The thought lifted my heart; taking a deep breath I prepared myself to enter.  
But as I reached for the handle my whole world shattered, a feminine voice breaking the silence, another silhouette joining his. Their voices light, happy tones. I could hear the grin in his voice and the image of it in my mind sent a shiver down right through me. He was happy, he hadn't been happy in a long time. The light that had given me my wings now hung like a wet blanket wrapping it self over me, over powering me, shutting off the light and filling it with unbearable emptiness.  
I turned from the door, following my feet, my head too empty, too void. I trailed out of the building, I had left a part of myself there and I'm not sure I want it back.  
I was unawares as to how long it took to get back; blind to everything except the dull void that encompassed my everything.

So now you're getting on a plane, Inception is a risky business and from what Dom tells me, you may not make it safely back out.  
I still have a part of me missing Arthur, that part of me is forever with you. I need you to understand so that you wont hate me forever, I never meant to hurt you.

I love you Arthur, always have, always will.

And so I'm leaving you this journal, if you're reading this now then I am long gone and I wont trespass on your happiness any longer or leave random books in your luggage, I don't know if we'll ever see each other again, in reality that is but know that you can always look for me whenever you close your eyes  
Eliana


End file.
